Lost
by Voiceless Cry
Summary: Haseo has never thought that he could possibly feel this way, towards a guy. Yep, he's done for.
1. Chapter 1

He sighed while taking off his M2D, his head was pounding. This wasn't right, he thought. This was sick, sick and obsessive. He had never thought that he could trigger such feelings inside of someone. But he should have known better. Because after all the shit he has been through, he should have known this was going to happen.

At first, he tolerated it because he had no other choice. He tolerated it because he needed _him._ Because without him, they wouldn't be able to do this, they wouldn't be able to save The World they loved and cherished.

But enough is enough.

You could call him selfish for all he cares. He wouldn't give a damn, because _damnit_, enough is enou- _*chime*_

His PC chimed, indicating the arrival of a new email. Sighing, he put back his M2D on, and read the email.

_**Sender:** Endrance_  
_**Subject:** ... I'm sorry_

_... Haseo... I'm sorry... I wasn't supposed to say that..._  
_but you have to... understand me... I love you..._

_My love never wavers... Never._

Fuck! this person doesn't understand! The problem is not what he said, the problem is _him_, He doesn't want that love. It's sick! Sick and stupid.

Rubbing his temple, he turned off his PC and went to bed. Right now, he doesn't want to deal with it. He'll take care of it some other time, just not today.

* * *

"Haseeeeoooooo~~!"

"Atoli, would you please shut the fuck up? I'm right next to you!" His ears hurt, and the reason for his misery is standing right beside him. She's annoying. _I can't believe I thought she was cute after that stupid quest_. Because heck, even Death Grunty is cuter than her.

"Uhm, I'm sorry..." She said, with her hand on her mouth while one of her legs was crossed behind the other. _Don't act cute, you're not! _God, how he wished he could scream this at her face.

Sighing, "What do you want?" He asked her, annoyed.

"Uhm, nothing... It's just that, uh, there's this item I need... and um, I was wondering if you'd like to go on an item hunt with me? because you know, I can't fight and I'm weak. but I'm doing my best! So, uh, yeah. I'd really like to get that item, I need it. Miss Kaede asked if I could get it for her as well, and um, I instantly thought of you because you're strong and your level is way abo-"

"Okay, okay, fine I get it, I'll go with you, just keep your mouth shut, would ya?"

"Yes!" She smiled so wide he thought her lips would fall off.

Standing before the Chaos Gate, he wondered which area she'd like to go to, just as he was about to ask, he saw Endrance warping in Breg Epona, _fuck, I didn't reply to his email from yesterday. _was the first thought that came to his mind.

"Uh, Endra-" He didn't even complete his sentence but the other guy was walking away.

He stood there, shocked, what just happened? he kept asking himself. This was so unlike Endrance. He never ignored him before.

"...Haseo?" Atoli asked, uncertainly, while tilting her head to the side.

"Huh?" He replied absentmindedly. "Oh. Never mind."

"Okay..." She said looking as confused as Haseo felt. "So, how about _S__ Cheering, Wrath's, BBQ plate_? I think we'll find the items there!"

He looked at her, she seemed cheerful, awfully cheerful. Too cheerful it seemed suspicious.

* * *

After a tiring time wasted on Atoli and her big whiney mouth, he logged out and opened his Mail Station, he didn't find anything new, except for an email from Shino reminding him of their meeting later this week at her apartment. He smiled, Shino was the only one who could bring back his good mood.

He turned off his PC, and laid down in bed, it was so unlike Endrance to ignore him because of an email, usually he'd ask what was wrong, or even make excuses for Haseo -Ryou- himself. But today, he didn't even spare him a glance. It worried Ryou. But if you ask him about it ten minutes from now, he'd vehemently deny it. Why should he give a fuck about that guy?

He doesn't even like him. He could ignore him for the rest of his life for all he cared.

Or so he told himself.

* * *

He was looking forward to meeting Shino. He really was. But for some reason; he kept spacing off almost the whole time. She would talk about something or the other, and at first he would reply and nod in agreement or shake his head yes when she asked for his opinion, but after a short while, he'd find himself wandering off into another world.

Endrance hasn't been on for a few days, and that's what is messing with his head. He doesn't know why he cares. He doesn't want to care. But he does. Because he knows that Endrance has some kind of a psychological issue, and even though he knows that Endrance wouldn't do something stupid, he couldn't help but worry.

"Ryou?" Shino's voice pulled him out of his musings. And when he noticed the worried look on her face, he decided that he would not, _would not_, dwell on Endrance's absence. Shino is much more important.

She is.

He got up from his place on the floor and sat next to her on the couch, her apartment was homey, it was a mixture of soft pink, black and white, too girly for his taste, but still lovely. _because Shino decorated it._

He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, her shoulders were thin and her pale skin was intriguing. She looked up at him, and smiled shyly, when she moved he had caught a sniff of her perfume, she smelled good, strawberry and cream, for a nano-second he wondered how Endrance would smell like, feel like in his arms.

And when he realized what his mind was thinking, he jumped up from his seat, "One sec." he said hurriedly and made a mad dash towards the bathroom to wash his burning face.

* * *

It was stupid, he told himself. Why on earth did he come here in the first place? Endrance wasn't even Online, why would he be in Indieglut Lugh? Even if it's his favorite place, he wouldn't be here if his status showed that he's offline.

_My mind is fucked_. He sighed and rubbed his temples, he caught himself doing that a lot these days, _I got a new habit_, he thought.

He sent a lot of E-mails to Endrance, but he hasn't replied to any of them. And that worried Haseo to no end. It really wasn't usual for Endrance to disappear like that, Endrance was Online almost all of the time, Haseo wouldn't have been surprised if he was a NPC. Actually, he would be, but that was besides the point.

Haseo caught a glimpse of blue light on his right, but he dismissed it as one of those floating lights, which he had no idea what they were.

He was startled when a hand on his shoulder pulled him back from his revere, he turned around, hoping it would be who he came here for, but to his disappointment it was Kuhn.

"Hey, Haseo. What are you doing here?" He asked while raising a knowing eyebrow at Haseo.

"Nothing. Mind your own business." He shrugged the hand off, as is his habit whenever someone touches his shoulder. _You never shrugged Endrance's hand away_. A little voice mocked him.

"Easy, boy. What got your panties in a twist?" Kuhn chuckled. Haseo was still as cute as ever, if only he were a girl, he would have tamed him... her. whatever.

Haseo looked up at him, Damn them all, why the fuck were they taller than him? "Nothing, I was just leaving." He turned around and walked away to the platform. Just as he was about to warp off, he heard Kuhn mumbling something. "What did you say?" He asked.

"I was just pointing out that brooding over it won't bring him back, y'know. " Kuhn answered with that know-it-all smirk of his.

Haseo felt heat flaming his cheeks. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked angrily, or as angrily as one could be when they were flushing in embarrassment.

"Endrance."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, It's me again. Thank you to everyone who makes time to read this story. Since our fandom is small, and I was desperate to read more HasEn fanfictions, I decided _why not write one myself?_ Please share your thoughts, and review cause I'm a feedback whore OTL **

* * *

Two days. Two days since the Indieglut Lugh incident. And it was still plaguing his mind, Kuhn knew things he wasn't supposed to know. Ryou wondered if other people knew, they must have at least suspected. But then again, it's Kuhn we're talking about, Kuhn knew about these stuff, after all, he had a lot of experience with these things.

But the thought of someone else knowing how much he longed for Endrance right now, scared the shit out of him. Because, he never thought he could long for someone this way. It was both scary and overwhelming. Haseo never loved anyone. Haseo hated everyone, everyone but Shino. Because Shino was Shino. She was his guardian angel. She was the light to his darkness, she was- _Wait_. _Was? Past tense?_ What the fuck, Ryou! pull yourself together.

He rubbed his face furiously, what is happening to him? This is not him at all! Ryou does not talk about Shino as if she were a thing of the past.

_Fuck it_, why is this happening to him?

Wasn't Shino his one and only? Was he betraying her? Just the thought of it made him mad at himself. He loves Shino, _dammit_!

The sound of his front door opening pulled him from his devastating thoughts. "Ryou? Are you home?" Her soft voice filled the apartment.

Shino heard a muffled "I'm here." coming from the end of the hallway. She opened Ryou's bedroom door and stepped inside. "What are you doing, sulking on your bed like that?" She teased him, smiling brightly.

"Nothing." He forced a smile.

"I see. I brought food," She lifted an arm holding a take-out bag, "the lady by the supermarket gave me some, she said it's a gift for helping her son the other day."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and she instructed me to rely a message, "Thank you for your kindness."" She trailed off, sensing that Ryou wasn't listening to her.

She clicked her tongue at him, left the room to put the bag of food on the kitchen counter, and headed back to Ryou's room. She sat down on the bed, and looked at Ryou's hunched form.

He was sitting on his bed, his knees hugged close to his chest, with his head buried between them.

His hair was a lovely dark shade of brown, his once-tanned skin was pale. "Ryou?" She asked, lifting up her hand to tug soothingly on a strand of Ryou's hair.

"Hmm?" he mumbled without lifting his head.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, not wanting to disturb him.

"Nothing."

"But you're not even looking at me, I'm sure something's up. You can tell me you know." she whispered, sighing softly.

He looked up at her, noting her beautiful smile. "I don't know." He said pathetically, only Shino saw this side of him, only she knew how pathetic he could actually be at times.

"Come here," she cooed, opening her arms and pulling him close, he laid on his left side, his head on her lap facing her stomach, while her hand played with his hair. "Now, talk to me. Tell me what's eating at you."

He closed his eyes, and forced an "I can't" through his gritted teeth.

"Why not?"

"Because I just can't." He spit out.

"Okay, okay. No need to get mad," she chuckled softly at his childish behavior. She has always seen him as a child, Ryou who was seventeen years old, was nothing but a child underneath his cold, stubborn and angry façade.

* * *

_"Endrance." _

_"What do you mean by that?"_

_"All I'm saying is that it's obvious that you're worried about him." _

_"Why would I? I don't give a fuck about him."_

_"Really? Then why are you in Indieglut Lugh? This place never meant anything to you, but I can't say the same thing for Endrance. This place meant the world to him. After all this is where you "_saved_" him." _

_"Shut your mouth, Kuhn. You don't know what you're talking about." _

_"Then why, of all places, would you, the Terror Of Death, be here. Do you even know the mythology of this place?"_

_"..."_

_"Heh, I didn't think so." _

_"Fuck you, Kuhn. I am not _longing_ for him or anything! I just came, because I knew nobody would look for me here!"_

_"Haha. You just proved me right." _

_"Wha- Wait! Don't fucking walk away! What did you mean I proved you right! I didn't!"_

_"I never said anything about longing, Haseo. All I said was _worry_."_

* * *

"Um, Haseo-niichan?"

"What is it, Bo?" Haseo looked down at his party member curiously. They were out on a quest, which Bo insisted on taking with Haseo. They were supposed to look for the improved version of Rain and Cloud to help Dr. Kepel, who sent his robots on a mission but went mysteriously missing.

"Uh. It's about Saku... You know, my sister, she's um.. sad?" he tilted his head to the side, looking so adorable, he reminded Haseo of a squirrel.

"And why is she sad?" Haseo asked, suspecting that she was probably wondering where her master En went.

"She's worried about Endrance, she keeps blaming you, saying that you hid him away somewhere, it's not true is it?"

Haseo got goosebumps, what the hell was that little girl telling her brother?! He did not hide Endrance away! He can't be hidden anyways, since nobody knows his location.

"I did not hide him, he won't even talk to me."

"So, you don't know where he is?"

"No. Hey look there, I think we found what we're looking for." Haseo said, ending any further questions.

* * *

The next day, Haseo logged in, and checked to see if Endrance was online, as he is wont to do since Endrance's disappearance.

His heart literally stopped beating for a second when he saw that Endrance was online. He immediately invited him into his party, he would give him one hell of a lecture once he got there.

Endrance sent him a short mail,

**...I'm busy right now.**

Was he for real?

* * *

Haseo waited for an hour, he walked around Mac Anu, distributed some of Bikman's fliers, and stopped by Dr. Kubo's workplace to give him some of the Chim-Data he collected. Then tried inviting Endrance again, But got the same reply.

**I'm busy, Haseo.**

Feeling dejected, he logged out and checked his Mail Station. Endrance probably replied to at least one of the thousands of E-mail's he sent him.

**_No new mail._**

_Why? What did I do? _Endrance would not have gotten this mad over one email that Haseo has failed to reply to. His behavior was beyond suspicious. What was happening?

Unless somebody told him something? Something that made him angry at Haseo -Ryou-.

He logged in again, determined to have Endrance in his party, he would _not_ take no for an answer.

Fortunately, Endrance was still online, his status didn't show that he was busy, just that he's online. _Was he lying to me then?_

He sent another invitation, waited a few moments, but when no reply came and Endrance failed to show up, he started sending invitations like mad. He then sent a short mail,

**Please meet me. I need you.**

Haseo would not be Haseo if he wasn't a manipulative bitch. He knew what those words triggered inside of Endrance, the words he longed to hear from someone, the words which made him devote himself for Haseo eternally.

A swirl of blue light appeared near him, and in an instant, Endrance was there.


End file.
